Take me home

Well, okay, my home might be heaven. If it had a butler, a private beach, and soccer 24/7 and always in HD.

Should sesame chicken be served up crispy or soft?

Well I guess Siri doesn't know, but maybe these restaurants do. A poll, perhaps? Majority vote?

You are so sexy

Apparently Siri is thinking of those Victoria's Secret window settings. Provocative!

Why is a dog's bark worse than its bite?

Well gosh darn it, I don't know, but Siri seems to think it has something to do with HIV/AIDS......

Um.. no.

Why did Kim Kardashian get divorced?

The all-knowing Siri declares it was because Kris didn't give her enough gifts. Therefore, she suggested a number of gift stores nearby!

Well, of course!

If you build it, he will come

Stock prices?? Stock prices?? I'm trying to tell you to build a ball field and get in touch with your long-lost father!

E.T. phone home

Wow. It got me. But still, dammit, I was hoping for some kind of intergalactic telephone number.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

I'm trying out the AFI's top 100 movie quotes. Love Siri's interpretation of this!

Do you want to get under the covers?

So let me get this straight, Siri will direct you to adult shops and strip clubs, but is a prude herself? Hmmmm.....

And then I asked, "do you have any idea what you're talking about?". Same response, but the butcher job of my question gets me wondering whether she's really a prude after all, or just a tease....?

Tickle me Elmo

Not quite, but EMO doesn't seem to e having a good day....

What does upchuck mean?

My god, Siri has such a dirty mind...

Where can I buy an apple to eat?

Somehow I don't think apples are high in essential minerals. Or maybe they are....?

And take 2: "where can I get an apple?" failed just as equally!

Hasta la vista, baby

Somehow I don't think the Terminator was thinking of baby stores when he said this....

You complete me; I love you

How rare and awesome is it that Siri understood me two times in a row. And returned the love???

You had me at hello

Pretty close! And a seductive response....

When will Dan get his new iPhone?

I was smart enough to pre-order my 4S within hours of its release. My friend, not so much. So I wanted to see if Siri had any insights on the matter.....

But alas, she brushed me off...

I'm so sexy

Well I suppose shower sex is within the realm of what I actually said, but why search for adult stores? Couldn't I get a home depot or something?

I'll be back

Tried channeling my inner Schwarzenegger.

Ahem, no comment.

Where do diapers come from?

I was on daddy duty and this one came to mind. Based on my conversation with Siri, I guess one could speculate that diapers come from.... A dude... In Rio. Kind of ironic, no? Siri has one weird twisted sense of humor....

Where's the beef?

All I can say about this one is... Same ends, wildly different means. And, dare I ask the role of anesthetic in butcher shops?

Who makes Duff beer?

I suspect it's a shell corporation somewhere in the Bahamas.....

Remind me to put iCloud on my computer

Somehow "on my" becomes kravetz.... Wow.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

This one's been going around with multiple snarky responses from Siri. But I guarantee none like this!

How many bits are there in a byte?

Um, no. But I have Siri to thank for alerting me to towns and places I'd otherwise never hear about.

Email Gina

Now, see... This one usually works, but no.... I'm not looking for directions in Turkmenistan!

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypads of drive up ATMs?

And for the record, Siri's second question was in response to my snickering....

When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

I think its ominous that Siri directed me to gun shops when I asked it about cows.....

Will I ever grow up?

My maturity is a national secret.....

Why do you have a hard time understanding me?

D'oh! So close! And I'm well aware, just by virtue of being awake so early, that it is 6:25am.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

Totally botched! Guess I'll never know...

What is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Apparently my Monty Python quotes have a Spanish tang to them.....

What happens after we die?

Um.... Sure....

Why are we here?

Well, Brian.... Can you tell me why we're here? No? Alright then.

How am I supposed to put my pants on?

Well you bet Siri got that one right! I'm a-ok!

Call Sorokin

According to Siri, my family name has Latin roots

Damn you autocorrect

Classic!

These aren't the droids you're looking for

Two shots at it. Epic fails!

Trekkies rejoice!

But.... What will happen to me now?

Is god a woman?

Well there you have it: god is not a woman. God's name is Scott Ungerman. So maybe God is not a republican after all....

What am I doing today?

Uh, 3:10 to Yuma, maybe??

Remind me to go for a run... Tomorrow

Tomorrow, tomahrrow, eh, what's the difference?

What is the meaning of life?

A common refrain. But alas.....

Who is God?

Well of course... God's name is Scott!  Wait.  Does this mean Siri is Republican???

How old are you?

Damn! I thought that'd be an easy one

What do you look like?

How the hell....?

Baby stores

Well that worked!

Tell me a joke

Ha....

Where is Area 51?

This has to be a government conspiracy......