Take me home

Well, okay, my home might be heaven. If it had a butler, a private beach, and soccer 24/7 and always in HD.

Should sesame chicken be served up crispy or soft?

Well I guess Siri doesn't know, but maybe these restaurants do. A poll, perhaps? Majority vote?

You are so sexy

Apparently Siri is thinking of those Victoria's Secret window settings. Provocative!

Why is a dog's bark worse than its bite?

Well gosh darn it, I don't know, but Siri seems to think it has something to do with HIV/AIDS......

Um.. no.

Why did Kim Kardashian get divorced?

The all-knowing Siri declares it was because Kris didn't give her enough gifts. Therefore, she suggested a number of gift stores nearby!

Well, of course!

If you build it, he will come

Stock prices?? Stock prices?? I'm trying to tell you to build a ball field and get in touch with your long-lost father!

E.T. phone home

Wow. It got me. But still, dammit, I was hoping for some kind of intergalactic telephone number.